Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Like a ghost I will disappear,

Life sucks.

Well, to be precise it's me who pretty much sucks. I suck. Yes. I do. I suck at happiness. I suck making people happy. I suck at everything. Well, not everything. obviously. okay move on. So yesterday,I cried my heart out before going to bed. Listen to my playlist and tears fall down. Typical emotional night. Hm. Obviously, it's for the same reason and this reason shall never change. God knows when am I going to cry again :l It made me think what's the use of boyfriend if he's not there to comfort and make you feel good? Where is he when I need him? HE SUPPOSE TO BE THERE WHEN I CRY. But nah, the distance NEED to be the wall in between. I hate this. I somtimes think i'm strong. Not an excellent one but yeah, I am tough. You may not think that but I like to keep that word in my mind. Every sec.

Move on again. So yesterday I cried because of friends, boyfriends, families and importantly life. I like to say it's all because of stress. I'm handling too much. I have to think about studies, boyfriend, families, friends and more harder, the distance. I cry because I think it's the best way. I have no one to tell. Not even friends. They are far away. My sisters are pretty much far away too. So yeah, no one. All of this is making me unhappy. Lately, my mood are SHIT. es hesh ai tee, i tell you. I've become an emo person. Yeay me :s

Boyfriend. Now, I've set something in my mind. It's sort of a quote but not exactly a quote. Yes. pretty rubbish english. Whatevs. So the quote is "I will not be scared if you left me but doesn't mean I would not care". So technically, I don't mind him leaving me. Sebab I think selagi tak masuk college, there's a chance of me getting a new perfect one. That I will actually be myself around. I sometimes rasa nak break up je dgn amir. He.... hm I don't know how to describe. Okay safe to say that he's nice and everything but this relationship, from my opinion, is not going anywhere. To me it's like, two people who are pretending to be in love just to safe this relationship. Yupp, there I said it. Fuck this. I'm gonna stop.

I'm wasting my time by blogging this. No one akan read pon. I'm putting it on private. But the main point is I decided and it's muktamad that I need to disappear. No more facebook. No more skype. No more internet stuff except Google :) If they miss me, they shall find a way to contact me. If they don't, I shall just be happy with the life I have here. It's amazing :l

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